The True Creation Story

In the beginning, God created the
Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy
Then using God’s great gifts,
Satan created Ben and Jerry’s
Ice Cream and Krispy Creme
Donuts. And Satan said, “You
want chocolate with that?”
And Man said, “Yes!” and
Woman said, “and as long as
you’re at it, add some
sprinkles.” And they gained
10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the
healthful yogurt that
Woman might keep the
figure that Man found so
fair. And Satan brought
forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the
cane and combined them.
And Woman went from
size 6 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green
salad.” And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing,
buttery croutons and garlic toast
on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened
their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you heart
healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them.” 
And Satan
brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its
own platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through
the roof. God then created a light, fluffy
white cake, named it “Angel Food
Cake,” and said, “It is good.” 
Satan then
created chocolate cake and named it
“Devil’s Food.”
God then brought forth
running shoes so that His
children might lose those extra
And Satan gave cable
TV with a remote control so
Man would not have to toil
changing the channels. And
Man and Woman laughed and
cried before the flickering blue
light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato,
naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. 
And Satan peeled off
the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-
fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. 
And Satan created
McDonald’s and its
99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said,
“You want fries with that?” And Man
replied, “Yes! And super size them!”
And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man
went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created
quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs and is
now working on OBAMACARE

About Chase Morgan
Chase Morgan is just your average, ordinary All-American writer. Chase began writing several years ago, but never published anything until the "Are You Friggen' Kidding Me?" blog launched in August of 2009. Chase simply got tired of standing around and just observing all of the craziness in the world, so this anxious writer sat down and wrote the first "Are YOu Friggen' Kidding Me?" article on August 19th, 2009. Now, any time something makes Chase say, "Are You Friggen' Kidding Me?", the issue get's transformed into an article. Chase is currently single, homeless and living under a bridge in South Florida.

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