The Gumby Files

The clerk at a convenience store in San Diego, Calif., saw two men come in, one of them dressed as Gumby, the green claymation character, who asked for cigarettes. Then Gumby announced, “This is a robbery!” The clerk, figuring it was a gag, replied, “Come on man, don’t waste my time. I have things to do.” But Gumby said he had a gun, and tried to reach for it, but the costume was so bulky he couldn’t get his hand inside to get it, and he fled. The clerk, who didn’t know who Gumby was, didn’t bother calling police, but when his boss saw the video the next day, he did. “Yeah, it’s hilarious to look at it on the video,” said San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen. “But, it is a very serious crime.” Investigators were able to figure out who the two men were and asked them to come in for a chat. Jacob Kiss, 19, who wore the costume, and his friend Jason Giramma, 19, did as they were told, and said it was all a prank, and that Kiss didn’t have a gun. The costume was confiscated as evidence, and the whole file has been forwarded to the district attorney to determine what charges, if any, should be filed.

A THOUGHT: Let’s hope prosecutors are more flexible than Gumby was.

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

Advertisements

A Hardened Criminal

A week has passed and police have yet to make an arrest in the crash-and-grab theft of an $800 Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator from an Ohio sex shop.

Lorain County Sheriff’s Office investigators are still hunting for the man who last Monday used a stolen tractor to open the rear doors to the Adultmart in Brownhelm Township. Surveillance video revealed that after “busting the doors apart” around 2:25 AM, a white male perpetrator wearing a royal blue hoodie ran in and swiped the masturbator, according to an amusing sheriff’s report.

The subject, deputies noted, “then left in an unknown direction of travel” with the masturbator, which its manufacturer, Pipedream Products, describes as “over 20 lbs. of legs, ass & pussy!!

The item, made of “Fanta Flesh lifelike skin,” replicates a woman’s body from the waist down (as seen in the above box). The “mega masturbator,” Pipedream reports, “is the most realistic and lifelike lower half of a woman ever developed!

An hour after the August 22 break-in, a sheriff’s deputy spotted the Volvo tractor used to slam into Adultmart in the nearby city of Elyria. The suspect bolted from the tractor and was able to escape apprehension by Deputy Weegman. The report does not indicate whether the masturbator thief was in possession of the Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 at the time (though the item has not been subsequently recovered).

When collared, the suspect will face a variety of felony charges, including theft and breaking and entering.

A THOUGHT: How to find the tractor driving culprit: Tommy Lee Jones (as Sam Gerard) said it best in [The Fugitive], “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the {Tractor} for ninety minutes. Average {Tractor} speed over uneven ground barring {a missing mud flap} is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Ruth Westheimer}. Go get {her}.”

(CLICK IMAGES TO ENLARGE)

Sexy Soft Red Steel Fuzzy Furry Handcuffs Fur Trimmed Sex Toy Hand Cuffs
Stress Wiener
Trinity Lick It! Tongue Vibe
Small Jelly Butt Plug Adult Sex Toy Kit
Beaded Silicone Male Cock Ring Adult Sex Toy Kit
Tantrica Purple Rippled Vibrating Butt Plug Anal Sex Toy Kit
Dolphin and Hummingbird Dual Gems Shocker Anal Sex Toy
Wahl 4120-200 All-Body Massage Powerful Therapeutic Massager in Pharmacy Box
Hustler Novelties Pumped Up Perfect Girl Friend Vagina and Penis Pump Adult Sex Toy Kit

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

A Hardened Criminal

A week has passed and police have yet to make an arrest in the crash-and-grab theft of an $800 Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator from an Ohio sex shop.

Lorain County Sheriff’s Office investigators are still hunting for the man who last Monday used a stolen tractor to open the rear doors to the Adultmart in Brownhelm Township. Surveillance video revealed that after “busting the doors apart” around 2:25 AM, a white male perpetrator wearing a royal blue hoodie ran in and swiped the masturbator, according to an amusing sheriff’s report.

The subject, deputies noted, “then left in an unknown direction of travel” with the masturbator, which its manufacturer, Pipedream Products, describes as “over 20 lbs. of legs, ass & pussy!!

The item, made of “Fanta Flesh lifelike skin,” replicates a woman’s body from the waist down (as seen in the above box). The “mega masturbator,” Pipedream reports, “is the most realistic and lifelike lower half of a woman ever developed!

An hour after the August 22 break-in, a sheriff’s deputy spotted the Volvo tractor used to slam into Adultmart in the nearby city of Elyria. The suspect bolted from the tractor and was able to escape apprehension by Deputy Weegman. The report does not indicate whether the masturbator thief was in possession of the Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 at the time (though the item has not been subsequently recovered).

When collared, the suspect will face a variety of felony charges, including theft and breaking and entering.

A THOUGHT: How to find the tractor driving culprit: Tommy Lee Jones (as Sam Gerard) said it best in [The Fugitive], “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the {Tractor} for ninety minutes. Average {Tractor} speed over uneven ground barring {a missing mud flap} is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Ruth Westheimer}. Go get {her}.”

(CLICK IMAGES TO ENLARGE)

Sexy Soft Red Steel Fuzzy Furry Handcuffs Fur Trimmed Sex Toy Hand Cuffs
Stress Wiener
Trinity Lick It! Tongue Vibe
Small Jelly Butt Plug Adult Sex Toy Kit
Beaded Silicone Male Cock Ring Adult Sex Toy Kit
Tantrica Purple Rippled Vibrating Butt Plug Anal Sex Toy Kit
Dolphin and Hummingbird Dual Gems Shocker Anal Sex Toy
Wahl 4120-200 All-Body Massage Powerful Therapeutic Massager in Pharmacy Box
Hustler Novelties Pumped Up Perfect Girl Friend Vagina and Penis Pump Adult Sex Toy Kit

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

A Hardened Criminal

A week has passed and police have yet to make an arrest in the crash-and-grab theft of an $800 Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator from an Ohio sex shop.

Lorain County Sheriff’s Office investigators are still hunting for the man who last Monday used a stolen tractor to open the rear doors to the Adultmart in Brownhelm Township. Surveillance video revealed that after “busting the doors apart” around 2:25 AM, a white male perpetrator wearing a royal blue hoodie ran in and swiped the masturbator, according to an amusing sheriff’s report.

The subject, deputies noted, “then left in an unknown direction of travel” with the masturbator, which its manufacturer, Pipedream Products, describes as “over 20 lbs. of legs, ass & pussy!!

The item, made of “Fanta Flesh lifelike skin,” replicates a woman’s body from the waist down (as seen in the above box). The “mega masturbator,” Pipedream reports, “is the most realistic and lifelike lower half of a woman ever developed!

An hour after the August 22 break-in, a sheriff’s deputy spotted the Volvo tractor used to slam into Adultmart in the nearby city of Elyria. The suspect bolted from the tractor and was able to escape apprehension by Deputy Weegman. The report does not indicate whether the masturbator thief was in possession of the Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 at the time (though the item has not been subsequently recovered).

When collared, the suspect will face a variety of felony charges, including theft and breaking and entering.

A THOUGHT: How to find the tractor driving culprit: Tommy Lee Jones (as Sam Gerard) said it best in [The Fugitive], “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the {Tractor} for ninety minutes. Average {Tractor} speed over uneven ground barring {a missing mud flap} is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Ruth Westheimer}. Go get {her}.”

(CLICK IMAGES TO ENLARGE)

Sexy Soft Red Steel Fuzzy Furry Handcuffs Fur Trimmed Sex Toy Hand Cuffs
Stress Wiener
Trinity Lick It! Tongue Vibe
Small Jelly Butt Plug Adult Sex Toy Kit
Beaded Silicone Male Cock Ring Adult Sex Toy Kit
Tantrica Purple Rippled Vibrating Butt Plug Anal Sex Toy Kit
Dolphin and Hummingbird Dual Gems Shocker Anal Sex Toy
Wahl 4120-200 All-Body Massage Powerful Therapeutic Massager in Pharmacy Box
Hustler Novelties Pumped Up Perfect Girl Friend Vagina and Penis Pump Adult Sex Toy Kit

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

A Repeat Performance

Jason M. Fields, 27, has been arrested in Fond du Lac, Wisc., and charged with first-degree recklessly endangering safety, strangulation, and disorderly conduct after a fight with his girlfriend. Fields was holding a knife to her throat threatening to kill her when the woman’s 9-year-old daughter stabbed Fields in the back with a kitchen knife to save her mother. The girl said the incident wasn’t as upsetting as when she was 7 years old, when she stabbed Fields in the leg for the very same reason.

A THOUGHT: Dude, give it up! She’ll soon be able to reach your neck!

Blood Brothers: The Inside Story of the Menendez Murders
THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS MURDER TRIAL, Courtroom Cassettes, Vol. 1
Hunting of Man
Honor Thy Father & Mother: Menendez Killings [VHS]

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

A Repeat Performance

Jason M. Fields, 27, has been arrested in Fond du Lac, Wisc., and charged with first-degree recklessly endangering safety, strangulation, and disorderly conduct after a fight with his girlfriend. Fields was holding a knife to her throat threatening to kill her when the woman’s 9-year-old daughter stabbed Fields in the back with a kitchen knife to save her mother. The girl said the incident wasn’t as upsetting as when she was 7 years old, when she stabbed Fields in the leg for the very same reason.

A THOUGHT: Dude, give it up! She’ll soon be able to reach your neck!

Blood Brothers: The Inside Story of the Menendez Murders
THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS MURDER TRIAL, Courtroom Cassettes, Vol. 1
Hunting of Man
Honor Thy Father & Mother: Menendez Killings [VHS]

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

A Repeat Performance

Jason M. Fields, 27, has been arrested in Fond du Lac, Wisc., and charged with first-degree recklessly endangering safety, strangulation, and disorderly conduct after a fight with his girlfriend. Fields was holding a knife to her throat threatening to kill her when the woman’s 9-year-old daughter stabbed Fields in the back with a kitchen knife to save her mother. The girl said the incident wasn’t as upsetting as when she was 7 years old, when she stabbed Fields in the leg for the very same reason.

A THOUGHT: Dude, give it up! She’ll soon be able to reach your neck!

Blood Brothers: The Inside Story of the Menendez Murders
THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS MURDER TRIAL, Courtroom Cassettes, Vol. 1
Hunting of Man
Honor Thy Father & Mother: Menendez Killings [VHS]

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

"I’m da’ Weasel!"

A man broke into an apartment in Hoquiam, Wash., with a dead animal in his arms. A man in the apartment asked the intruder, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” The man responded, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched the victim in the nose, and fled, leaving the animal behind.

Martens are, in fact, weasels. Police did find the man, and arrested him for assault. The 33-year-old suspect’s name was not disclosed. After the story made national news due to the odd exchange, Hoquiam Police Chief Jeff Myers weighed in to say that the animal wasn’t a marten, either, but rather a mink. Minks, also, are weasels.

A THOUGHT: Yeah, well, so was the intruder.

The Natural History of Weasels and Stoats: Ecology, Behavior, and Management
Field Trips/Permission Slips/Signs/Weasels
Weazel Ball Weasel Kids Toy Chasing Rolling Play
Pop Goes the Weasel (Alex Cross)
Garden Weasel 95006 Weed Popper
T Bone & Weasel [VHS]
First World Manifesto

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

"I’m da’ Weasel!"

A man broke into an apartment in Hoquiam, Wash., with a dead animal in his arms. A man in the apartment asked the intruder, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” The man responded, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched the victim in the nose, and fled, leaving the animal behind.

Martens are, in fact, weasels. Police did find the man, and arrested him for assault. The 33-year-old suspect’s name was not disclosed. After the story made national news due to the odd exchange, Hoquiam Police Chief Jeff Myers weighed in to say that the animal wasn’t a marten, either, but rather a mink. Minks, also, are weasels.

A THOUGHT: Yeah, well, so was the intruder.

The Natural History of Weasels and Stoats: Ecology, Behavior, and Management
Field Trips/Permission Slips/Signs/Weasels
Weazel Ball Weasel Kids Toy Chasing Rolling Play
Pop Goes the Weasel (Alex Cross)
Garden Weasel 95006 Weed Popper
T Bone & Weasel [VHS]
First World Manifesto

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

"I’m da’ Weasel!"

A man broke into an apartment in Hoquiam, Wash., with a dead animal in his arms. A man in the apartment asked the intruder, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” The man responded, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched the victim in the nose, and fled, leaving the animal behind.

Martens are, in fact, weasels. Police did find the man, and arrested him for assault. The 33-year-old suspect’s name was not disclosed. After the story made national news due to the odd exchange, Hoquiam Police Chief Jeff Myers weighed in to say that the animal wasn’t a marten, either, but rather a mink. Minks, also, are weasels.

A THOUGHT: Yeah, well, so was the intruder.

The Natural History of Weasels and Stoats: Ecology, Behavior, and Management
Field Trips/Permission Slips/Signs/Weasels
Weazel Ball Weasel Kids Toy Chasing Rolling Play
Pop Goes the Weasel (Alex Cross)
Garden Weasel 95006 Weed Popper
T Bone & Weasel [VHS]
First World Manifesto

var addthis_config = {“data_track_clickback”:true};

%d bloggers like this: